


just get through today

by basketofnovas (slashmarks)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Child Abuse, Eating Disorders, Fluff, M/M, Trans Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 14:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2696474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashmarks/pseuds/basketofnovas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mattie brings Chinese food.</p><p>Child Abuse tag (and warning) is for mention of in the past and trauma stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	just get through today

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tassledown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tassledown/gifts).



> Content warning for eating disorder stuff and child abuse flashbacks and trauma discussion, but this is honestly kind of fluffy if you squint.
> 
> The British Empire is not someone you want raising a child, particularly a colony who he owns and therefore thinks should obey him and behave properly.
> 
> Written on the request of Tassledown.

Mattie unlocked the door to Alfred's apartment, balancing the takeout on his hip, and walked in.

He knew something was wrong when he heard the quiet, walking in. He tilted his head and listened – there. Crying.

Mattie sighed, a small release of breath that was almost silent. He put down the bag of Chinese takeout on the kitchen counter and started towards Alfred's room.

He could tell immediately that Alfred hadn't gotten out of bed today. The room was cluttered, paperwork spread out on the bed, half completed. The blinds were still closed. Alfred was wearing pajamas still, he hadn't even put his binder on.

He didn't look up as Mattie walked in, until he sat down and put a hand on Alfred's shoulder.

“Hey.” Alfred disentangled his face from the pillow and shot a weak smile over.

“Hey.” Mattie kissed his forehead – there was a lot of snot around his mouth – and stroked his hair. “I brought food, you going to be up to eating with me?”

Alfred sat up, hugging his knees to his chest. “I haven't eaten all day.”

“I figured,” Mattie said, and then went quiet. Turning this into a fight wouldn't do any good. He knew that by now; pushing just made Alfred want to push back.

Arthur had never worked that out, but then again, Arthur had never worked a lot of things out. Like how to be a decent human being.

“Maybe I could eat,” Alfred said eventually with another weak smile. “What did you bring?”

“Crab rangoons and shrimp fried rice.” Mattie smiled back and didn't say, _your favorites_.

“Okay.” Alfred glanced around in what looked like disorientation. “Could you – I lost track of the paperwork.”

“Kay.” Mattie got up and started picking it up. If Alfred hadn't managed to get out of bed, he wasn't going to be cleaning. That was hard for him on a good day. “You want to get dressed?”

“Yeah, I – sure.” Alfred got up. “We can eat when I get done?”

“Sure thing.”

Mattie finished gathering the papers and put them back in Alfred's briefcase, carelessly discarded by the wall.

He went back into the kitchen and started getting out the food. He didn't put it onto dishes; if they ate from the same containers, Alfred couldn't keep track of how much he was eating so easily, and he'd said that could help some days. Instead he opened up the cartons and chop sticks, then got drinks. Pop for him, water for Alfred in case more bothered him.

When he finished putting out the food, he threw away the bag and started on the dishes gathering in the sink. Mattie loaded the dishwasher and started it, but there were more that couldn't fit, so he washed those by hand.

When he was done, it had been around twenty minutes and he could still hear the shower going. Mattie frowned and walked over to the bathroom. Alfred didn't usually spend ages in the shower when he had things to do, although he could hog the bath for hours...

Mattie walked over and knocked on the door. “Hey, you okay?”

There was a pause, then Alfred called, slightly muffled, “Can you come in?”

“Coming.” He pushed the door open slowly and entered the bathroom.

Alfred was curled up in the bottom of the shower, hugging his knees to his chest again. The clear shower curtain left him visible, if slightly blurred.

Mattie carefully did not sigh, but went and knelt by the tub. “Doing alright?”

Alfred shook his head very slightly. “Don't leave me?”

“Promise. Never left you yet, eh?” Mattie said. “You want me to come in?”

“I was dreaming about him,” Alfred whispered. “Again.”

There was only one him. “I'm sorry,” Mattie whispered back, closing his eyes.

He had been older when Arthur had gotten him. Francis wasn't the best father – for one thing, he was white, unlike Mattie's mother – but at least he knew how to take care of a child without beating the shit out of them.

“He said he was sick of me – pretending I was a boy,” Alfred said. “And I wasn't allowed to see you anymore, because I wasn't. And then he – he took all my clothes and gave me dresses, but I wouldn't wear them so I was naked when he came in.”

“You're safe now,” Mattie said.

Alfred didn't seem to hear him, which wasn't really a surprise. “And he put me against the wall and told me it was – inappropriate and, you remember he had that riding crop he used to carry around when he was just in from the stables and--” Alfred broke off into fresh tears.

Mattie wondered if this was a dream or a memory Alfred was talking about, feeling slightly sick to his stomach, but he didn't ask. He rolled up his right sleeve and reached his hand into the shower, taking Alfred's hand and squeezing it.

“It'll be okay,” he said. “You're safe now.”

Alfred nodded slightly. “Can you come – help...”

“Okay.” Mattie squeezed Alfred's hand again and got up, turning his back slightly to start undressing in case it startled Alfred. He left his boxers on – he had spare clothing here anyway – and stepped into the shower, helping Alfred to his feet and hugging him.

Alfred was still shaking slightly. He pressed into Mattie's chest and mumbled, head on his shoulder. Mattie stroked his hair and murmured in barely coherent French until the shaking stopped.

“Can you wash my hair?” Alfred asked, looking down. The water ran down his forehead into his eyes and down, making it hard to tell if he was still crying.

“Kay.”

Alfred liked touch, craved it at the same time he was sometimes sickened by it. Arthur had used that against him. Mattie remembered the shouting: “You whore,” Arthur, the slap of a belt and Alfred's high pitched, panicky screaming.

He worked his hands into Alfred's hair with the shampoo. Alfred needed touch for reassuranc, but he wouldn't want to just ask. This was fine, fine.

Eventually, Mattie wasn't sure how much time later, they got out of the shower.

“Food's not cold, is it?” Mattie asked, joining Alfred at the table when they were both dressed.

“No, it's fine.” Alfred was fiddling with his chopsticks.

Mattie looked down, consciously  _not_ scrutinizing him, and split his own apart. When he looked up, Alfred had started to eat.


End file.
